And finally…

On a somewhat lighter note, the pious on all sides of Scotland’s many religious divides have got themselves in multiple fankles of late, adding to the gaiety of the silent majority of the nation - whether religious or not - who have a guid Scots contempt for Holy Willies of whatever theological stamp.

The news that basic human rights under law are henceforth to be respected in the Western Isles, with those who wish it now being able to travel by ferry to or from the Islands on a Sunday, and the first gay civil partnership ceremony taking place on the Islands, has sent the dreich cadre of the Lords’ Day Observance Society and the Free Presbyterian Kirk into fulminating overdrive. The Lord’s wrath has been claimed for all sorts of vengeful upset since; from freak tornadoes in Stornoway to Calmac engine failure. Things will never be the same on Lewis again – it is most devoutly to be hoped.

Meanwhile the mainstream Church of Scotland, generally thought to be a tad less tub thumping and more progressive on social issues, is tearing itself apart over the ordination of a gay minister in Aberdeen. The fact that his congregation want him, that he seems a decent enough bloke and is a committed Christian,

apparently cuts no ice with po-faced biblical literalists, who see homosexuality as a sin and his open relationship with his partner as an ‘unacceptable lifestyle’. 35 churches – a minority to be sure – have, Luther like, pinned a declaration to their premises declaring that only sex between a man and a woman within the context of marriage is acceptable; immediately excluding about 98% of society. While national newspapers like the Herald have knitted their editorial brows together and given serious houseroom to the debate over possible ‘schism’, most rational people will surely welcome this self outing of ancient Hebrew text fetishism. In the spirit of public service, we suggest that signs be placed outside these particular churches to alert the unwary: Warning! There may be homophobes, misogynists and misanthropes at work.

Nor has the Catholic faith escaped the current predilection for farce. Topping the laughometer we have the Bishop of Motherwell, Joseph Devine, well known for rants in the tabloid press against gay people and a women’s right to chose, who is under fire from his own parishioners after it was revealed he used church funds to set himself up in a swanky £250, 000 house, while at the same time buying a £200, 000 home for his housekeeper.  We will resist the temptation to use inverted commas here and merely observe that Mrs. Doyle appears to have moved up in the world. The ire of Bishop Devine’s constituents was inflamed further over the incident when, determined to continue the Father Ted theme, he declared to the media “I’m the Bishop. I can’t be expected to live in a pokey wee council flat.”

Scotland must be the best small country in the world after all, when, in the mist of job losses, recession, belt tightening and all round gloom, it can provide such hilarity completely free and at the point of need.